Everything I love, I hate.

Only a familiar sound could wake me from the dead
But when I heard it it didn't save me like it'd said.
It was the best I'd seen since my 8th straight year.
It was the saddest I'd been since had this cheer.
Daylight bright, I know what is happening,
But its the dead of night and I can't do any saving.
I'm being pulled by two weights, in opposite directions,
I hadn't felt this bad, even when you had my affection.
As much as I'm lifted up, I'm three times as slammed down.
I'm transported back to that day, when I was to be saved by being drowned.
Haven't thought of that night with you both in such a long time,
But I guess it was bound to happen since I've lived this lie.
It could be the saddest night of my life so far,
But it gave birth to a few things, I hope will return me to par.
I never felt so alone as a flop floating through space
With an even more lifeless enemy at my side, like a straight race.
This is war, and I'm frontin' on the frontline.
Awe struck from the horror, but the horror is mine.
I'm fighting for both sides and I cannot move. .
These drops on my glasses till me I'm going to lose.

I almost touched the top, a second later I was at the bottom.

Here I stand on the rooftop, 40 stories up.
I stare into the vaguely orange sky, with the rain blasting my eyes.
Without even a blink, do I show life outside my brain?
So much activity I have to remember to breath.
I'm on the edge, and for the last 10 minutes, probably dead.
I look down to see the life below, mostly black.
I blink, and only now can I see the earth.
Attacking me like a hungry dog, I should be looking at the sky.
Before my second blink I'm face down on the ground,
I feel that I'm still alive, or maybe it's just an illusion inside my own delusion.
I can feel the earth moving beneath me, I can hear the screams around me.
I can't move, I can't breath, can't blink, but I can see.
They want to save me, I want to scream "No."
But no matter how loud my thoughts scream, my brain is on the road.

More than love.

It’s days like these that remind me why I’m alive.
Why I took the first knife to my lungs.
When learning how to live doesn’t seem as important.
It’s days like these when I realize why I fight for everything,
and you fight for nothing.
They come from nights like those, that are over before they start.
When this fucked up world seems normal for a moment.
When I’m reminded to do everything like I’m fighting for something.
It’s nights like those that show what the future holds.
When I fade into darkness, and choose to feel no brain.
When all of the pain seems wroth it, and hitting the ground seems worthless.

There is no happy without sad. No beauty without depression.

lye

I can't reach the sky
I want to hear you lie
Tell me everything's alright
Make me believe I can fly.
You're up above the clouds
And I know you can't look down
But you can still bring me up
Can I just please give it up.
Why don't you just string me along?
Why don't you just use me for fun?
Act yourself and treat me so
Bring me up even to just let go.
Why don't you want to watch me fall?
Why don't you want to live at all?

pma

A few miles north of here I once met a boy,
Kinda stupid and blind but he was happy anyway.
He had all he needed, and what he wanted was not easy.
Never seeing all of it, though he loved it everyday.
To a northside boy named Glen, my idol,
I can only think of how you went, so tragic.
Seems like it hasn't rained at night, since you went missing.
All we have are memories of you, and the inspiration you have given
To new boys like Matty here, as he sits back and wishes.
Matty doesn't get it all, though the necessities he finds.
I sometimes see him working hard, only to see it crumble in dust.
its clear that he has what he needs, underneath the debts to the world,
He may never pay back. Every idea he has, seems to be destroyed by the rust.
He may not have a dime, he may not have his play,
But one thing to love about him, he loves it all anyway.

Awaiting the Mossad

My amygdala's engaging, I can't stop it now.
My heart's avulsion has only made things worse.
I still feel that pain, but I'm numb to the things you say.
But everything else hits me like a haymaker from Ali.
Shoot with the cane Candy and let's do this again,
'Cause you scare me anytime you're acting sane.
Can't you read your name in the track marks
And the three holes in my chest, gateways to my past life?
My last pair of braincells tell me you don't mean it,
The void says Bikini Atoll would be the perfect vaction,
Away from you.

I may have just found my sanity...

Welcome back.

Oh, your opinion, how we hang on every syllable

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of my bed
Everything looked so strange like seeing through the backside of my head.
I can't read anything, the letters all look so strange
But I can tell one thing and that's that life still hasn't changed.
Last night everything was attacking like a riot in Birmingham
I stood up to fight when I shoulda tucked around and ran.
But when the rage came down you didn't seem to care.
So used to it I guess, when it hits you everywhere.
I have to say it hurt to see you convulsing on the floor
Especially because I knew you only wanted more.
The bat fell down as I was shocked at the bunce,
And I couldn't bring myself to kick you more than once.
One day you'll wake up, outside the comfort of your world
And you just might realize how necessary these emotions are.
Only then, will you grasp, why I am who I am.
Use your brain, and you might understand.