Holy Brain Cages, Batman!

I could die tonight and not feel a thing
because I'm numb to the pain, but I dont miss a thing.
I got music in my head like I'm drummin' away
It plays so loud it over shadows the noise and the rain.
A finger on the trigger and another on the bombs,
I don't know you at all, but I'll blow you away anyway.
I can kill you, though that could mean death to me,
'till I end up with a knife in my back, I'll keep fighting.
Even numb to that pain, I can't keep breathing.
It only gets worse, just before it gets better
even at rock bottom, it can still get lower;
But it's in me to keep fighting, my middle finger on the trigger is my preface to you. 
As that bullet exits your brain-
I got a trophy on the wall to show, forever in place. 
Kicked down and stomped on I'm bloody on the floor,
but i get back up and fight, 'cause i've got something to fight for.

The Allure Of The Zombie.

Here in America, and thankfully Great Britain as well, there seems to be a bit of zombie fanaticism going on when it comes to the topic of the apocalypse.  Other than being the coolest way for the population of the earth to die, what makes this idea so much more interesting than say, epic natural disasters or asteroid rain?  Since the beginning of time there's been these types of ideas in the minds of humans (See the coolest zombie of all time: Jesus.)  When we think of death, most of think of some kind of afterlife don't we?  Be it a new life, heaven or hell, or whatever you believe it is, that is not the point, the allure of the zombie, however, brings an afterlife that we can all love right?  You feel no pain, you don't feel bored, you're never thirsty, and you spend the rest of your afterlife searching for food (which you can find on your person even!.)  Does it get much better than that?  From that point of view, getting eaten in the zombie apocalypse doesn't seem so bad does it?  After the pain of one of them ripping out your carotid artery that is.  Now as a living human, an endless horde of blood thirsty zombies trying to eat you and whatever companions you may have?  Sounds fun doesn't it?  Well it should, as long as you're not the slow one that is.  We all get our pent up rage, what better way to take out that aggression than on the brains of the population of humanity that is selfish, inconsiderate and more?  You remember them, when you went to the store for some emergency batteries on December 24th and you realize that even less people know how to drive, and now even more people care about only themselves.  Well here you go, they're slow moving, stupid, and easily fooled aside from there incredible sense of smell.  The only thing you will have to worry about in this situation is running into a few loved ones right?  As much as you love them, you can't let them eat you because you're having too much fun.  You can't kill them (again) because being a zombie just has to be bitchin' as well.  Best avoid them eh?  Now you have the freedom to go out and get those things you couldn't afford before, what's not to love about that?  You can theoretically go anywhere you want to as well.  This is why we love it!  Or is it the thought of maybe running into those you dislike or hate?  Maybe taking a trip to California and running into a Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson, just be prepared because their IQ has actually gone up upon zombification.  All in all, of the "doomsday theories" that can be tossed out there, this is the most fun is it not?  I think these, as well as some omitted reasons, are why we Americans and great story tellers, love the idea of one day being pitted against billions of zombies.  

Frayed bungie cords;

I feel the wind rushing through my eyes
falling more than terminal my hair rips and flies
I can look back up and see the base of lies
on that base too many men have died.

I am swan, I fear not the earth below
I'm falling for scores and am still so high
I can catch grasp the stone thrown from the sky.
Into my reach I feel cold base,
I hope when I reach the ground it can save me some how.
There's a pool in the bottom, I can see the ring around;
an inch too small, I will surely not drown.

To get a closer look I fall even faster than before
the air rushing over me is making my neck sore
fix me stone, blood diamond I now call my own;
the ones slain to get you, won't know the power you hold.
Fix me before I hit the ground, stop me, land me safe and sound
in that pool of water from the fountain of youth.

Am I still falling now? I'm looking around hearing air sounds;
the air in my eyes make em water and burn, 
is this stone worth the pain I invested in it, is it lesson learned?
But I'm already tasting dirt and not moving at all;
and the stone I killed for, intern kills me;
embedded in my skull, it's bleeding red and gray
now I drift into space, and I still feel no pain.

Flist.

Dear you, 

I know your name but never will I speak it again
yet my hopes still hang on every word you never said
you never had enough, though I gave you all I had
and I still to this day feel like I'm beating the wall. 
all the words you spoke were not loud enough to hear
yet you claim you've told me it all since freshman year.

you use all my dirty secrets in your favorite black mail game
and it's knives like that , that make me curse your name.
our great minds think alike, but might also destroy lives
but are we better off like this? better saving lives?
mouth full of dirt your goal is far from complete
to kick the smile off my face, you don't have what it takes
'cause for once the planets don't see the sun-
and the ring of fire i have, I won't burn out on this one.

Frienemies and 'Y' Flop Culture

Dropkick-cranium
and a drug induced concussion
Life and daily routine fall
yet you keep running and spreading
you believe in wildfire and you've come to burn me.
I hope the wind doesnt blow too hard
because we all know it could change you,
would most likely change you.
You exist and it kills me
with rage I see you all running about
daily lives of bullshit, lies fly out of your mouth
All the playlist is feel good hate
to cure the acerbity left by your face.
to you, I am pleasantly hidden taste
but your habits bring forth my acrimony
and noone here can save  me.
Meet me at the street named Apoplexy
outside of the cafe Nasty
and see if I care if i care about anything
as much as you care about yourself
all i dont get is the gall you show to you
and the ones who claim to care about someone not real
but again im hated by you because of how i wear my choler
while you are the sun in yours and your virtual world. 

Va te faire foutre

Goodbye forever
We wont be seen together again
never my friend.
You were never there anyway
so why do i feel like you have to stay?
when too often I wished you'd run away.
Goodbye forever
'cause I never want you back in my mind
'cause you'll only let me down, you'll only break me down

Lady lady, won't you spare me with mercy?
I was drafted long before the age of 18.
Justice Justice, I'm not getting any.
Help me get out because this fight makes me warye.

In flight to hell there is no place to stop
and i know i'll have this sinking feeling till i give my last drop.
explosions of sauces and the pieces of rock fall.
When instructed, I listened, I'm here to kill 'em all.
Too early we've been taken in for life,
and we've seen with our own eyes as even best friends take the dive.
Felt the pain in my back too many times
just fit me a purple heart and a trip home, to save my life.

Lady lady, won't you spare me with mercy?
I was drafted long before the age of 18.
Justice Justice, I'm not getting any.
Help me get out because this fight makes me warye.

Goodbye forever
you weren't there once again,
when I needed a friend.
I never believed in you anyway
but I lied and said that I'd get to see the day,
back on my homeland to hear my child's name. 
Goodbye forever
'cause I'm dying in hell and can't live to see you
theres nothing for you anyway, because we all have our end, some day. 

Mulligan

Give me a 5 for a pack of sweet stress relief 
Im saving home and changing the game
as i am Pitt & Ed but neither will remain
Im ripped up and ready, laced up for pain.
Ready for war with red morphine hands
broken bones from being hit and hitting the same
seeing stars and pain, laying flat on my face
while Im Bloom in the air just waiting to land.
I give you, the beauty of the world, on the other side of these eyes
Welcome to the mind made up of broken ties
I want my Twix, for my perfect life.
Wells, take me away, with no DMC to save the day
a cell & padded room is where I'll stay.
On a rooftop with a spent Lincoln and an AK,
over my shoulder, a bedroom paint stain.

What the fuck is going on?

This is one of the greatest reads if, well read, in a long time.

From the great blog of Brian of Therefore I Am (http://thesoundofhumanlives.blogspot.com/)

 

Myspace appears to be fading for us all...but what is taking it's place? Twitter? That's only 140 characters of text. Facebook? That's mostly for drunk party photos and stalking - not music. It seems like a void is being created and nothing of equivalent value is filling it's place. So what the fuck is going on?

Where are people going? They certainly aren't writing more letters and hanging out in groups and having "conversations" and they definitely aren't checking out more concerts. So where are they and what are they doing and with whom? I mean, you can only Google your own name and your ex's so many times before you get bored, so what is everyone up to on the internet? Nobody listens to the radio - nobody even watches tv anymore. WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE?

I'm not the first to say or think this but it feels like a big shift is happening. Not like a 2012 shift but just a change in the way our generation uses the internet and phones and communication toys.

Remember when we all signed up for Myspace accounts? Then bands like ours signed up and that became a huge vehicle for getting our music out into the world. This band owes a lot to Myspace and it's users. Word of mouth has carried this band this far. But why am I going to coinstar every week with change I find to buy food and Myspace has made Billions of dollars off me and my band and others just like me? I mean, they offered us all a free service. We took the bait, swallowed it and it tasted good.

Well, the worm is starting to turn in my stomach now.

Now if people want to check out my band they are bombarded with movie ads and singles dating ads and other bands and videos of people getting hit in the balls (thanks bob saget) and more and more bullshit - all people making way more money than me but it's not even about money. There were still ads back when it started but you gotta admit it's become a little ridiculous and very a.d.d. Even on YouTube, another "free" service, you can't watch anything without ads popping up here or there but at least my band gets heard...right? I mean, they gave us a free service that became a trend so then everyone goes to one place for their stuff right? Even Radiohead is pissed they don't get any money from the millions of advertising revenue they bring sites like YouTube. So how much is a free service worth? How can you value exposure? I don't have an answer but this is what's going through my head right about now.

I can't blame Myspace, YouTube, Facebook or any of these sites for creating such a genius trap. I mostly blame myself for relying on these things like everyone else has for so long. Band's stopped making .com websites because myspace could do it for you for free and usually - better. But is it okay to subject your listeners to ads and bullshit that they don't want? Don't you just want to be able to focus on what you intended on doing? How many times have you stopped listening to a band's song online because you clicked something else on the page that took you away from it. I love videos of people getting hit in the balls just like every man, but can I at least get 4 minutes of your undivided attention? I don't know, can I? You can say that all these websites have helped the music community and everyone get exposure. True. But at what cost? Better yet, whose profit?

We're all fighting for everyone's attention. The internet has made music less about music and more about getting people to give a fuck long enough to be discovered so you get your chance to impress them with your beautiful songs. I don't think it's right to subject listeners of my band to ads and bullshit they never asked for. I think it sucks. They had an intention behind typing in our url or searching our name and then they are averted away. What gives? Fuck off. Leave these people alone - I want the best for them. But this is the price we all pay for using free services. Well, I personally apologize to you all for enduring so much trash just to get information or listen to a song or watch a video of us. It's not right. I can't believe you aren't pissed. Are you pissed? Maybe I'm alone in this one. Maybe people ignore all the bullshit and just go for what they want.

It's time to go old school...we're going to have...a website again. (DUN DUN DUN!!!)

www.thereforeiamrock.com
(tempted to register www.fucktheguywhoownsthereforeiam.com like FYS did)

I know, it's weird right? Who would have thought? A site dedicated to one-single-thing without interruption. Thank Al Gore for that one.

In the near future we're going to have a new website and we're going to try and make it as interesting and thorough as possible - for you. Maybe you won't go to it, maybe you don't care, I hope you do - but at least it's there if you do. An oasis from the a.d.d. internet world. People will still probably go to our myspace more and that's fine, at least we have our own little corner of the universe where we can do our thing in peace and you can enjoy it in peace as well. A little too romantic? Maybe. But fuck it, at least there we get to call all the shots. If it doesn't work out then we'll just start posting videos of us getting hit in the balls. Anything for you. And when Myspace crumbles and everyone scrambles to find a new home - we'll be waiting for you with a shotgun, canned food and enough water to live off of for years safe in our .com bunker. That is, until 2012 when the anti-christ has a ufc match with the world. Ha.

Be well.

-Brian

on the fly from the phone, a pure unedited freestyle(that most likely sucks)

I need a voice,
Not just some lines on a paper
I can take and erase em
I need some words to the blind
A message in disguise
I need a voice,
And some music to boot
Create a catchy tune
And have you eatin my food
I need a voice.
Or else you see what I write
Read it once and suffice
But when I carry with me my tune
Will you listen and return
If you like it, again, who knows when it will end.
But that's it, my same message, same words
Same letters on the paper you didn't care to learn
Wrapped up in an apeasing package
And now the words you half read and shook,
Are now in your brain cuz I got you lyrically hooked.
My message, my vision, letters for the deaf and words for the blind
But you pull the keller and don't see it anyway
And that's okay
I'm not hear to please you,
The norm of this world has become so see-through,
When they only see themselves, minus the elitist, self righteous ways
Selfishness is the latest fashion craze
Help you? Tell me why!
Because the 90 percent don't even care if another person dies
Just to make you look like the caring humanitarian
"He was my best friend" when you didn't even notice him
And lie to them, to make you feel important
But you can't hide forever because you've become a target.

They don't believe in your ways
You don't like 'em
They don't like the things you do
You don't like 'em
They don't care what you say
You don't like 'em

But you do, you care because you need to be there
You say you don't care to get them to care about you don't care
I've seen you there, before you ditched on your beliefs
Its very sick, when you claim to steer this way
But you do it for the friends, I can tell by what you say.

You claim to follow the bible yet know less about it than I do
You don't like non christians because they don't think like you do.
You fail to see their religion is based apon the same grounds as yours
Because the names have changed and your the elite of course!

I feel like I've seen this before
Some one who thought that way too
I'm seeing the year of 1944,
No relation? You must be a fool.
So here you go cast these letters aside because I don't agree
I bring a shred of reason that could save you and me
With wars raged over whose religion is to blame
You all fail to realize, your religions are the same.

The elite have cast aside because I am not the same
Therefore I must be a lesser man, I am to blame.
So be it then I'll wear that crown just for your sake
But if these words were catchy on the radio,
You'd have them on a mix tape,
Because its a popular song, and you have to be cool.

The Human Factors

I can't see my future days
can't see two feet in front of me
I'd like to live like this one day
Freedom from everything all the same

Give it a try, you know, try it out
find out what life is all about
We could be alone right there
in a crowded room full of stares
just feet away from all those eyes
safe as ever, with our disguise. 

We know our childhood delusions are fake
as we get older we watch them fade
but those are what make our early life worth living
now we can do what we want, we waste time with worry
anything can happen, and odds are they will
if there is nothing you can do but try, why worry about the ill
Noone is safe from everything, everyone has damage done
thus is life, to kick you around, the strong come out, and make it fun.

See today, not future or past
this moment is short so make it last
and minutes from now we won't see it again
so let's make it great and hide it under our bed.
Stuck in our mind so we will never forget
through all the bad times, there were good times we had.

The one thing we need is controlled life fear.
be afraid of life, 'cause it will kick your ass,
but don't stand by and take it, you gotta fight back.
you only get this life once, and there's a few choices you have
live long and miserable, or short and happy, are some
just don't dwell on lies you're fed, they're there to help you love

Driving roads of two feet lenghts
dangerous turns at any speed
seeing the way with all my strength
one blink of an eye and i'm dead indeed.
Through the windshield i still hear the music
a song i once sung to get me through it,
but to this CD i wouldn't mind to die
because i think of you everytime
and though when i hit the ground I'll be met with great pain,
the important thing is i died with a smile on my face. 

Too many rooftops, too many strings, too many gaps, too many seasons, just one breath of air.

This, facebook thing.

This week, not my typical entry....

Just some thoughts...

So here is this thing called Facebook, not so unlike the others, Myspace and such.  But somehow different.  Used as primarily a gateway to keep track of friends and family, right?  Somehow turned into a place where everyone feels "everyone wants to know what I am doing right now"!  So not true.  Self centered posts about you being late for class, thats just fxckin' great for you.  Who thought this was a good idea?  

Now the semi-useful posts are okay, what are you doing, should it be relevant to anyone, is a good example.  I'm going to the movies, another way of saying "Who wants to join me at the movies?", is a great one.   Noone cares that you are "Super excited for the weekend".  That is just your way of getting people to ask "What's this weekend?!?!?!" like they REALLY care.  They want to see what's in it for them.  If you want to tell people what's going on this weekend, say it.  Another classic useless update "gr..".   Double-you tee eff.  

I get that this is the "point" of this.  It's not very innovative and how does this catch on?  It's basically Twitter, which stands higher on the social network scale because of simplicity and interaction.  Nothing useless on there.  If you want to tell everyone what you are doing, use twitter where the people that care will read it, the people that don't, won't. 

With an open mind Facebook is just like the rest, doesn't make it better.   To end this little nonsensical rant, the ranks.

Twitter- Tell the people that care what you're doing, don't read what the people you don't care about are doing.  Bliss.  Barebones, though.  Sharing pictures can be done as well as links.  What more could you need??

Myspace- Once the ultimate place to find MUSIC.  Dethroned probably before it even began by Last.fm (2nd most useful thing on the web, next to Pandora).

Facebook- Hear what theyre all doing, see all their opinions, waste hours and hours of time with the useless apps.  More barebones than myspace, not all the flash.  And according to the bland "Myspace for college kids".  

BTW:  Facebook, you ain't takin my shit

Do Geese See God?

go ahead young one,
run away with all you want.
Go down with the fire i dont mind if you wont
talk your talk, and feel your faults
Run with the wolves, every night if you must
but sir Achilles; vulnerable end to your fun.
never odd or even just right in your head.
chivalry; the extinct and dying more
noone wants to keep it around or even knows how!
Won't lovers revolt now?!

Dammit, I'm mad!
You so self centered,
we should take what you have!
Oh no! none of that mattered!
You were asking to die,
the legal assisted suicide!
You risk it all but with what good cause?
you'd take a life for a bit of fun?
or is it more than the money you lost?
murder for a jar of red rum!
charge; murdrum!

Cain take my head!
i am not able to continue.
wish for right and wrong
just dont string them along!
bring me along.
murder you wrote, one after another
all without fault or bother.
Ruthless you are and you didnt even know!
It took you paradise for your rocks to show.
The blood you spilled runs thick on the walls
and you tracked it all down the hall
you know you wont get away, i guess thats what you want
You're askin for a 21 gun way to die,
be my Bonnie
ill be your Clyde.

Dammit, I'm mad!
You so self centered,
we should take what you have!
Oh no! none of that mattered!
You were asking to die,
the legal assisted suicide!
You risk it all but with what good cause?
you'd take a life for a bit of fun?
or is it more than the money you lost?
murder for a jar of red rum!
charge; murdrum!

deeep

dig deeper youre only at the greatest day of your life
the foundation is fragile, more than ever before
youve got so much to ruin, so far to go
dig deeper till the shit turns to gold
and keep going till you find your way home

to save you

I wish id had the courage to save you
bring you back to where you belong
because you weren't the culprit of the party foul.
if i could change it all, arrange it all around
none of us would look and see a white town
so heres some love to bring you down.
I wish i could have seen clearly to save you
and look what I know now,
if id have changed then, dang, youd be happy pal.
look and react or stand and contract.
i didnt want to to end that way,
so bloody so badly!
I wish id been the one to save you
i feel the pain in my gut anyway
why does it stay, because it was mine to take
the emblems you left fill my brain
and the memories you gave,
take me back to all those better days
just for a day, so i could make it all okay
I wish i could take the knife for you
to save you.
why did he have to take you?
the only one who paid all his dues.
ill give you back what youve earned
all the things you deserve
never meant to hurt a soul in the world
maybe there's no room for good on this earth.
I wish i could be the one to show you
the family you should have had,
the friends that were not that,
the love that the real ones had,
the inspiration that you gave.
Ive got a picture for you, just you
of the happiness you gave
in all the memories of those days,
and the future son you would make,
ill bring this knowledge back to you
and if you like then use it,
to save you.

Officer, officer

Officer officer
why do you beat me so hard?
because you cant see the innocence in my face,
the acts i had done i had been so good to hide,
you welcome me, for the aryan race;

Officer officer
why dont you just kill me now?
the torture you put me through, in this prisonish place
locked in this cell for a lifetime 'cause of a petty life foul.
infuse my ball and chain till i can slip free no more.

Officer Officer
I think these chains are a little loose,
Let me get right out from this prison hole
blood red chains on the flood fit tighter ti my skin
Like the blood from the crime that got me here in.

Officer now officer
You've seen my rise and fall
the murder i committed, somehow your fault
and you locked me up in this cell to rot
in hell, prison hell, but your chains dont fit.

Officer stupid officer
you let me escape.
and like that poor dead man, your dead in the lake.
run fast and far, as your old friends give chase
and maybe when they get me, till im dead, a better fit.

Hide and seek.

When did you walk away?
didnt you always swear that you would stay?
no bullets strong enough to bust your brain
but the brain ran away, and everything crushed remains.
Why did you leave us?
when everyone payed to keep you around.
You ran away after that quick fight
you ran and destroyed, to make it all right
Killing time, killing minds
killing eyes, bured with pain
Images will always remain.
Toxic dreams and snacks all day
nothing you wanted but everything youd taken
if you had not let it slip you still be here today
and sometimes we miss you while youre away.

I walk on the wrong side to see your face,
run me down now so ill remember the ways;
If i ask you will you break my pain?
lobotomize my emotion and sever my vertebrae
and give me a hit of morphine straight to the brain
Nothing as real as it seems to be,
paradise is inside flesh and bone;
string me out ten feet long
find my paradise on the yellow lines
this is what i wanted this time,
you were lost but now i've found,
but now it's killed me this time around.

Every night when I end up home I wonder when I awake; why I cannot find the road; why I cannot be saved

Places to see before you die....

To break the monotony of this blog (and since I have nothing written) I figured I'd post a personal goal for myself that might get some of you researching and, well, knowledge is always good.


This is more or less in order, Places I want to see before I die..

1. Chernobyl/Prypiat
2. Winchester Mansion
3. Kolmanskop
4. Oradour-Sur-Glane
5. Craco
6. Gunkanjima
7. Kowloon Walled City
8. Famagusta
9. Kadykchan
10. Agdam
11. San Zhi

Just a short list, wonder if I will ever complete it...
You may notice a pattern in these places, I'll let you find that for yourself, but I find them all very fascinating.

Don't worry, back to writing very soon.
Stay tuned.

Outlander! Outlander! We have your woman!

So this is what it's like;
to love, to love.
and this is how it is;
with love, in love.
What is it you do;
it's fun, and it's fun.

No matter what you do
it's so happy, and so sad.
and running in the right direction takes you only the wrong way.
every time you see brings the tunnel some light
and all you ever needed is right in your sight.
We all cut grass and watch it grow back
and we all paint the walls and watch it drip, dry, and fade.
Running never got you nowhere when you know where to run
and hiking is just great when the destination is fun.

I raise my nose to the sky and see everything so small
a spark and a trail and im away from it all
right where i wanna be, this is who im gunna be
now show me where you want me. you push me, you pull me.
exploit the ticket and food for thought,
more take, less give, what backstabbing has taught.
pleasing all the problems will leave you dead
in perfect, with this packet two lives could be fed.

This is what I want.

One day it will all come to an end. and all that we love we will lose all the same.
we better start today before it's too late, we better start now, before we are out of time, let us start now, because what do you know about the afterlife?
A life without a quest is your life without an F,
and though you live it every day its sad it will end that way.
I want to learn why humans can be the same.
ignorant, apathetic, self-centered, angry.
stupid, far, less caring, more gullible than free..
I want to know why astronomy based science fiction forms a book to lead people to herd like sheep to the first person to preach.
They top it off with wars and hate when they dont care to understand
the things they fight for, what they fight against, all one in the same.
I want to know how they can jump ship so easily,
a ship they once built with their lies about belief.
They care about themselves, but pretend it is for others
I need to know how they can believe ludicrous stories, made up, theyre told
then shove them down others throats till it gets old
Your book is just that, not gold in your hands
yet you believe it thought the answers, are right above your head.

Feed Test.

Testing the RSS feed, new content up tomorrow for sure. Provided i get my work done.

Been Really Slow Lately...

Everything's been kind of slow lately but have had a bit of work to do so I'll be getting that done but I got some things cookin' up in my noggin so check back in a bit and I'll have some fresh stuff up and, well, hopefully it's decent.

What makes us civilized.

War set to rage over blind beliefs that we claim,
no one really knows the beginning, though they may say
people search as people die to protect the holy name
but the saint you follow was the product of a bed of unholy game.
Now you flock to buildings to hear it all read and read again
what makes it any more right when it's preached to you by some man?
he's shoving it all down your throat until you believe what he says
but too much belief can lead you blind, and throw your life away.

Different beliefs is human kind, and different beliefs will stay
but what makes us civilized is being accepting of others ways
being civilized can bring a life of 100 years or more
but closed mindedness is the death of us, too stupid to see whats in store.

Get me off this place.

Disease ridden cluster fuck waiting to explode
we all stand around it, wanting to know
what is the plan that we all must partake
where is the air we all must intake?
get me off this place, i dont wanna save
promises, and guarantees that have been made
there is nothing divine about your way
if it was already said, why is it called a race?
failure rate at 100, we all do not comply
because in attempting to comply the meaning, we always tend to die.
if it was set in motion for us in the beginning
why would we waste time, with things that have no meaning?
if there is a helping hand from up high,
why is it some, never even see the sky?

Times they are a-changin'

i can see it now
there is no youth now
its fading away...

it hits like a horror show
like Lucy the cloud, without her chorus
a sacrifice of jewelry to save us..
bring me the flood i have no gates to hold
i will bare the weight that you may not know
everyone i see is too old to fit their skin
and noone knows they good they had, tucked away in their lives.

noone is young now, no baby's are born now.
age is old now, youth is dead now.

the wind is blowing to change the world
noone knows how hard it will blow
it blows too hard to control now
the times they change more rapid now.
The wind brings change, too much to note
i for one, will not blow.

It's all sunshine

so much love you dont know what to do
dont know what it is, and definitely not who.
There's a mini out there who cant be given so
and they're lost and cofused trying to find their soul.

so much love that i wish you would die
the horrors you wont have to face saved for the wicked
and noone understands what it means to be sane.
The only thing i know is we are not the same.
I can wish you dead any time that i like.
i can wish you here with me tonight
but none of that matters when not all is fair and right
nothing else matters , just make it through the night.

it's only one dream we see but it's all the same
we all wake up and continue our days.
Never sleeping, never dreaming, paradise is lost.
Nothing is the same when your eyes are in the front.

sigh-a-nigh-d, greed-and-strife-d

Some people want money,
to help them in their lives
me, im a little different, i can't decide
not to take it or leave it because i have it all
but do i want these green ones, or the coins by the wall?
here is some green, useful for most things,
but then theres the coinage, can be used just the same.
because it's in big coins it makes no difference to them
but why oh why does it make one to me?
here i am so rich and grand, but oh so greedy.
all in all, i have more money than life,
and the bottom line is great this time,
green is green and what i got, the coins are there not to be forgot'
both as important to a rich man and his things
but it should spend it all, i dont deserve to be a king.

Title: Stolen!

The painful noise in my ear
and the massage on my bones
and as i close my eyes i see a land
that wont go away.
all that i see was once raining down on me.
when all was down and low as can be
the ticket i got to set me free
in the form of a pill with choice of red or blue
but which to choose, the problem plagued me.
tired of the choice i set it to rest
i gave up my chances and hoped for the best.
when the time come i was force fed a pill
blue was my color, it seems it always will
now that the choice was made for me, i cant help but wonder
what did the red have in store for me?
here in blue we got all the candy in the mall
but the red's got the drinks like a waterfall
as well as the sandwiches, pepper jack and all.
the blue place, where it's good to be
but should i wander back to the red just to see?

so many gaps with no bridges left we need to rebuild
but the place is just as it was, even some foliage has filled
but maybe blue's grass holds the secrets to the film.
everyones got a color too em, but what could it be?
i look back and see i never really had a choice in front of me
at that moment, though ive made the ones that need be.
its a tough slope to slide down, and then you hit that fork
and then you dont know where to go so you stay on course.
looking good is lookin good but the grass is only good green
and over that fence is some grass i cannot see
sliding on the slope slippery from the dew
is what everyone is saying, really true?

Oh what a bed of death.

and i fit so snug as if it where a box made to me
and a memoir for you to keep with you
a mark i wanted to leave all over the ground
all over the wall, just all around.

The nickname we give mistakes: experience
and as if this wasnt riight enough, im furious.
blind, dumb, deaf, ill, and old, who better to fit this bed?
pain, sorrow, joy, and unknown, misery; i am now thine enemy
ill tear you open where you stand and rip out all my pain
and steal the wellness from you, steal another life from you.
if i could control the doppelganger the world would be saved.
if i could control time id ensure pain was not my name.
and given what i know, maybe change the weather today
greed #3 is the dye in us all.
but the color of our veins can be our downfall
if i could control the doppelganger i would feel pain and not when i lie
if i could control time id be the richest man alive.
but rich men, always die.

Standfast

Stand fast we are preparing for war
remember what i told you son
ill be with you till death and beyond
now when you fight you must win
if you believe in an afterlife filled with sin

I wont see you lose tonight
you stand up for your beliefs and thats whats right
storm through the door and exit where you belong
now i know you believe it
i hope its not from living the lie for so long.
when i come around the chickens never hatch
so whats the use in counting, we should just smash
isnt it true, you, that ties are meant to be broken?
im screaming at you as i smile at those eyes.
will my voice strain? my son, will you scream too?
im numb to the pierce but am stuck with eternal pain
you know i wont even know when im dead in the air.

more then words invade my eyes.
pierce my brain.
blow me open like never before.

freestyle

There it is right behind my back
creeping up behind me ever so quitely.
but i dont feel the pain till im on the ground.
and noone knows because it didnt make a sound.
the game i made came back around again.
swinging in motion like a pendulum.
and if it hits me when i see it least.
you wont see it phase me. inside i will keep.
popular mode of bracing for impact.
cushions the blow and keeps my balls intact.
from the blood i don't need to the mind i cant see.
both of them expendable to get lost at sea.
blood and energy given to me.
taken away, doesn't kill me.

I could kill all
mind over matter I'm not afraid to fall.
the one thing i need is to be happy before time.
i wish i had a crowbar, free of all defects.
so shiny and clean that i hate to see
we must give it use, blood and bones to mane.
killwhitneydead i scream into my veins.

I still want to go.
I've got a plane to catch.
but only one ticket, and no bags to pack.
no need to say goodbye cuz who will feel the words?
ill touch down in paradise and miss the rest of the world.
I can see the feeling, it brings forth compulsions
i need a fix only a wrench can hit.
behind my back.
nothing but ready to attack.

Before you know it youre down on the ground.
everything hits you as you look around
and all you know is youre knocked out
and all in all your foes are coming to town.
Before they know theyre dead on impact
as they hit the ground

they scream save us
They scream dont kill us
i tell them you cant be saved
i say im killing the dead
as i drown

What would you say if i told you i was crazy enough to...

And the blood flies backwards
a bullet enters my brain
but at this point in time i feel no pain
and as it goes through, the entrance wound it exits my cranium
a moment of pain, but im alive to feel it all and..
!GNAB
you take the second cause of pain
to end the first, it was a genius way
no hole in the back of my head
but i can feel you breathing down my neck
ready to strike but you walk away
i know not of your presence, youre gone like MJ
you unthink the thoughts you thunk
untake the advantage you took
and untell all the lies that you told
and it goes on. now youre back in your bed
and now you never met me, im not in your head
and fast forward, where would we be?
if we could see would you recognize me?
weak nothing, never worked out of his mud
so turns out you gave me what i want
if i knew how to travel i wouldnt say different words
and youre here to give me a present of yours
as i tell you i might be crazy enough to want;
THUD.

Nobody is closer to god

So feeble, so useless
overused and truth less
the coming of age, but we dont care
and we're all sinful for the gold to be shared
right?!
so greedy, so tasteless
all the lies you spread are so wasted
there used to be trust in the world but not today
now i can trust even less of the words you say
abuse them, but dont choose them
withou using your brain your life is so useless
be honest? its hated. tell em what they want to hear
not what they need, lies turn to life, what if your saint was here?
the truth you dont believe in, or else you would use it
but like a mouth without a brain your not worth the shit
if it flies out of your mouth and we're expected to believe
that would be just fine, if we didnt have eyes to see.

Tangos on my six.

one day the world will end
and where will you be
probably six feet lower than now
but a world already ended for me

{im so comatose
and i can feel everything
a drug with no overdose
a neverending dream amazing}

The year was 1969 and what was set
a flame to scorch the dark sky
an effect to last a lifetime
till it was blow away by the bomb
like the 70's lighting the way
demolished a jungle that stood in my way
contact in the jungle
but not just one big scuffle.
7 pints lost and a leg gone
Then came the bomb that saved my life.

pull the shrapnel from the the arms
repair the wounds from the war
5 months ago the bomb was dropped
and hiroshima was gone
now im winnin like the 50's
and im livin in the 30's
and i look ahead and see the light
im so close, i could die.

{im so comatose
and i can feel everything
a drug with no overdose
a neverending dream amazing}

150 nights and nowhere near done
a marathon i can run
that push i love to take
because the finish line awaits.

an impactful crash
a beautiful explosion
a blow to the head
left close to dead.
if this is a coma let me never wake up.
if this is real let me never sleep.

60 hours from my escape from rehab
its good to be out, back to my habits.
you can call 'em bad.
but thats the way i love it.

Thats a big shot at humanity right there/

~im gunna need a picture
because i cant remember the good things
when the bad hits its all i see
because my good things not around
please give me some pictures
injection into my veins
because i cannot feel a thing
i do not feel this sting.~

I had a dream
you were dead in my hands
and i know
what a horrible situation that would have been
now im half naked on the floor
and you watch from above
the last thread of hope has been pulled
from the black sweater i wore
wont you join me outside
in the nice weather with a fag 'n' some jokes
and as the smoke fills your lungs you tell me
just how bad it was.
you tell me it got better and always will too
but ill be out in an hour
because it seems we both lose.

[I dream of you all on a stand
cry me the Cuyahoga river, and sit drenched in your tears
i dream to light a match
set fire to those tears, and send you out of here.]

In the morning ill see it all
not quite alright but i see all that is wrong
the hateful eye that follows
The eyes i want to tear out
in the worst way possible
right out of sight.
i cant run fast enough
and time doesnt fly
so ill just have to lounge till i get to say goodbye
or at least till the next night

[I dream of you all on a stand
cry me the Cuyahoga river, and sit drenched in your tears
i dream to light a match
set fire to those tears, and send you out of here.]

and it begins all over again!
the same old dream about mine and your death!
and as usual i try to save us
and i try to run
but i learn the worst way not to race a gun.
but i fail and we fall
we share the same blood, scattered on the wall
sliding down to write the story of our lives
and the camera on the ceiling will show it
even after its wiped away
and its sketched on their eyes, the ones in the room
this is how we live forever
the memories of them, the stories in the papers,
the film in the camera, the picture ive been waiting for
and that video... on youtube.

This Ones About Hangnails

At that point when you know speed is visual
but nothing enters your veins its all in your eyes
on thin air all your worries are minimal
faster faster your eyes cant keep up with it all
keep going, keep going your almost to the top
when we get there its enough to make my heart stop;

Big crash, at last, you are now one with the speed.
your life, so fast, it was over before you know it
and when you come to you wont remember any of it
the glass, the wall, the terrifying fall.
theres nothing left you are now one with that speed.
Noone can see you, you are one with the road.

A bitch slap of philosophy

since birth, humans search for that 'something'
that is what the journey is all about.
then we are all broken down into fractions from there.
These fractions dont necessarily relate to this search at all...
And to save time with math...i will not provide my estimates to these percentages.
First divide, the ones that want a successful life, the ones that dont, and the ones that get lost in between.
for humans, and their need to be a part of a group... can easily get lost.
kids, oh how their minds can be shaped much like the playdoh they occupy their time with.
Here is where it starts, with the parents.
I know the trend of those that feel like destroying their lives will never go away for this fact,
stupid parents pass it on to their kids, who dont know any better.
Example,racist man and racist woman have a baby boy.
This boy with the aspirations to grow up and lead a normal life will be hit with every racial slur in the book and then some before he can talk most likely.
because a majority of the world has accepted that skin color does not make you any different in reality..
they will see other races allllll over, and making comments to each other that their son will inevitably hear and soak up.
stupidity is in fact infectious.
Now i realize the small chance that this kid can see the error his parents present
through childhood friends maybe.
He could be headed down any of the divided roads at this point but now he is stuck in the lost category.
The moment that could decide comes when he possibly sees a child of another race in his school, or class, or maybe at the store or on the street.
The words he uses to describe that person in his mind or aloud are very influential to his path
Choosing the racial path in todays age could more likely than not lead to the bad path.
Now his friends, once he gets older.
the drugs, the alcohols, the trouble, definitive factors.
Through this journey he has shaped and represented the second divide,
the stupid from the rational, common sense thinkers.
take the drugs, get stuck in the alcohol, can destroy you,
lead you to a life of carelessness and more.
and ultimately...lead you astray from every human beings goal.
Now i know a greater majority of the human race would not necessarily be stupid, but not smart either.
And do not use the common sense form of thinking that i feel should be a standard.
When they must specify on a cup of coffee that it is hot before people know...
that is not common sense or smart.
and when you get fat and dont know why cuz you have only been eating mcdonalds for like.... just a month straight.
stupid.
I have finally come to the conclusion recently that despite the lack of faith i have in the human race, i have the utmost faith in myself and the choices i have made recently.
and the fact that i continuously lose faith in this race when i hear the ignorant remarks, self righteous attitudes, so called know it all intelligence, when really none of that is real,
i hear things such as noone likes you and noone will care when you die, your parents never loved you, youre adopted, things of that nature, it makes me sick to my stomach.
there are kids and people in this world like that. And i genuinely feel for them.
I am a fortunate one, i have completed my quest early, i know what i need and i have it, now its a matter of getting what i want, which requires work.
Though the world will not come to an end in three years, our race could and possibly faster.
The goal we ALL set out to reach is the undying happiness.
the something we are set to find is what gives us that happiness.
looking around with careful eyes i see the highs and mostly the lows of the human race.
The false superiority and self righteousness being the biggest ones.
I think everyone needs to realize one thing for our future to truly be bright and wonderful as the movies try to portray....
Until we learn to cooperate, all of our efforts will result in failure.
destroying everyone who doesnt agree with you is the kind of thinking that will be the death of us all.

Blood and guts

now i know you got a complex, you see
superiority seems to be all will be
and just cuz i practice santeria
that makes you better than me
but when you leap to be caught
and fall to the ground
ill be standing right up saving my jumps
and i know how i spend my time puts me at the bottom
but the food chain is set for revolt, fucking the top
because i dont fake belief such as you
im the expendable kind of guy
because your crazy when you look up
all i see is gallows and the sky.
my hobbies not approved by you
my life not good enough for you
because i decided to keep it and stay true
we're headin in opposite directions and thats fine for you
you say you'll get there first, there i hope you do
i know you will\

HOW SHIT

So there it is. The old. Thats all there is so from now on everything will be NEW.
I hope you take time to read through those and comment them.
I love to hear what im doin wrong.
So soon ill start new stuff.
Hope you all like this stuff..... so im not just wastin time lol

lay down your arms [june09]

Boppin down the street i see your self righteous 'tude
i know your shit dont stink but it makes you so rude
its painted on your face and its in your eyes
while you use your words to put on a disguise
and you use your beliefs like bridges, crossed, burnt, they crumble and fall
stick to your guns or use none at all



maybe ill finish this someday. lol

Dustin;s Lullaby [june 09]

to rest i gift you a Mjölner
smacking your head just like my thunder
breaking foundation to protect your home
fighting the giants who invade your skull
electric death for those who stay and fight
i do not rest at night

music to my ears, the death of your enemies
lighting the night sky to show the whites of their eyes
i will not rest till you rest alright
i cannot sleep till you live at peace

he stands above me ready for your attack
so powerful you cannot imagine
not a cut but a blunt painful death
can you invade our lives today?
and maybe escape with your lives/
when you see the goats know there will be blood
they are after you, dont even try to run
restored without broken bones, they signal your death.
cracked earth and volcanic fire
raining down like the storms rain and thunder

music to my ears, the death of my enemies
lighting the night sky to show the whites of their eyes
i will not rest till you kill them all
i cannot sleep till their blood does fall

i grow from the ground, my mother i am born over again
my son has the strength to crush them as well
but i defeat in serpentine, have never seen a dragon
and i am this planet grounded not rested in the black sky.

Half lies, half aphrodisiac [june09]

Look at you
look at you run run run
finding a place to hide
a building for safety
finding a savior to love
a man to protect you

and now its on its way to get you
the beast you cant run from
not even hidden in that kindergarten building
with a man teaching fairytales
the beast has smelled your blood and it wants some more
no telepathic words can make it go away
this is no storybook character
this is no horror film star
a hunter we all know of
a hunter you cant run from

the walls you think bring safety it owns them all
the man you think will save you it burns him down
and thousands gather to watch the burning it holds for us all
you cannot hide from the beast, as poor as you are
you cannot hide from the beast, in the times we are part

the beast on the hunt knows you dont believe
attacking it with everything you got.
your crushed sanctuary
your charcoal savior
theyve let you down time after time
and when the world gets its has on you
it will eat you alive

Verruckt! [june 09]

I remember the days of the closed minded
no windows
no floor
just 6 walls
no doors
and a cage you would rest in
begging for food when all they gave was a knife.
such head games but this is no puzzle
there is no life outside
your cage suspended in time
everything is behind you and you cant turn around
look now! what, how?!
a broken cage on the floor
you escaped out the window, they entered through the door
ecstasy it feels like with the sun on your skin
speed it feels like running through the wind
heroin it feels like with deep deep breathes
cocaine it is because your hungry for more
till the meth hits and youre down on the floor
and the weed fails to pick you up so you just smoke more.
as they race towards you, hatchets in hands
you are saved without a prayer in your head
through all youve done youve come out just fine
with stiff veins that cannot be broken
youd never make it out
youd never see the light
youd never feel the touch
youd be down to rot with the poison you chose.

now out
searching for more
for those youve never done
for those that got you hooked
its crazy the hold it has
not to be broken
not to be stolen/

i cannot fly, but if the time is right, ill gladly try. [June09]

here i stand on this roof in my birthday suit
painted up with shining red and white
here i look down 13 stories to you looking below
if i could fly i would swoop down and bring you along
and i would bring out wax wings so toward the sun we belong
falling down doesnt hurt even when we hit the ground
there are not problems up so high.

with the impact of fat man you slam my face
a curbstomped face smiling endlessly, i can never get away
the fights you bring me, suckerpunched till im numb
the daily brawls i go through, the purest form of fun

so marigold is there enough fun to thrive?
or will it hide so you do nothing but dive?
when home runs away you got quite some job to do
you cant live without your home, can you?
when home wanders away give chase
you will parish in these streets, burn out like the rest.

with the impact of little boy i leave death behind
a torch in my path, i will stay away
the home i will find, to catch i must run
home fled the house, there can be only one.

naked on the rooftop, have you ever
let everyone see the true you?
do you pile on your lies like you live in the ice.
leave it all behind, or else paradise has a price
a price and a detour back to a place you wont like

In the worst way possible [june 09]

to you a kiss goodbye
not from lips from the arm to an eye
to you a life of contempt
away from here in a place to lie
scratching away at the matter inside
tearing out the emotion ive learned to hide
tucked away from a family example
come forth to help it all die
its times like these that let hatred thrive.

so your ways arent true at all
the waves you swim will let you fall
and dragging down those around
i wish you were alone in the water wall
minds as cold as ice will not die
but we carry icepicks to jam inside
im glad your here to dispense for my fries
dont get mad when here is where i leave you to lie.

dont let your reach get to us, come play with us
for red walls were always what i wanted, dont infect the unwanted
it wont hurt long, the pain lasts as long as the problem
but the problem is you, youll be hurtin forever.
dont try to inflict with your mental games
lets see how well you think when your head hits the pavement
when the bat hits the cranium
when the air hits your brain again.

breathe deep it might have to last an eternity
but dont run because youll only die tired
and burning is no fun when your out of breathe
because you may try to go up to be kicked back down
the reason they gave was a sell outs death.
burn out and fade away
so none of us have to see your face
lay your weapons down because your guns arent stuck
but your rich as fuck because of all you sold
life gave you friends and you ate the shit, gold!

with a wire around your neck your lungs wont last
and with your hands on the cross your chest cant expand
but was this whole charade just part of your plan?
if you drag us down not even dental records will show
the log in the stream, dropped by a ufo.

From Afar [May 09]

From afar he looks happy he looks glad
but you cant quite imagine the trouble hes had
fram afar he says little, obeserving everything
taking notes on everything, and searching for an amphetamine
from afar he wont tell you what it is
theres hatred and love that have come to this
from afar he looks smart, looks happy
but the labrynth of his soul you cant see
From afar.

now up close you see the shattered pane of glass
you see the hatred that would have lasted
and the mountain he once scaled
along with the blood he left in trails
all the hatred he doesnt wish you shared
now up close, we get a little scared

now in reverse the past is fine
there was never a place for him to dine
never a sky for him to fall from
or false hope to instill in new trust
and she never slept without him in that bed
and never fucked up and told the lies she said
and they never strayed from his loyal embrace
and he never did any of those drugs those days
and she never left and lied to his face
and he never fucked up waht he thought was grace
and his friends never left so fast
and he never spend all of that useless cash
for everyone thougth that he would last
and he never tried to leave everyone so fast
except this all did happen... in the past
we dont let it repeat iself, dont even ask
little of it remains, and friends have changed
the past is rougth waters but it stays the same
and somehow he learned to swim, and he beat the game.

Painfully fun, enjoyably rough [may 09]

heavy breathing, lungs aching
bodies numb and bones shaking
the adrenaline that feeds the need for a good time
gives the energy it take to enjoy the ride
and you rememver your first time when you couldn't stay up
but look now what you can do when your passion turned to love from lust
now youve been at it for hours and your knees feel weak
your breathing is intesne, you think your elbows might break
but determination is the reason you have what it takes

hours on end run by like seconds
reluctantly you break but not for a minute
with everyone around it can add to excitement
until you fall out, right down on your face again
safety concerns come second priority
with means of having fun coming as the majority
with 2 maybe 3 of us all down on this town
when we break it down, theres not more fun to be found

down right dirty we all are today
but back breaking labor is the price we pay
nothing gets blood pumping like sticking the landing
with some screaming & scratching & very little padding
we get so high and it lasts through the climax
we live for this, releasing our power.
now you stop and think, damn look what we've done
that was some tricky shit, a movie could have been made
we got some pain but in the name of fun
a feel good trip, puts afrodisiacs to shame
but not to beat the sweat and rush game
20 inches of pure love feeding your veins
you proved you have what it takes to out last the game
and come tomorrow night, it will all be the same

This one is free MAY 09

Well....here we are....
the four year long party is over.....
and here we go... off to the jungle
but we know our way...
tarzan and jane.

this was all we've known
the hallways and classrooms
the rumors the drama
the friends the fights
and all the burned out lights.

this town was not so kind
taking more than a few lives.
but it feels right to make it out
even though i have learned to love this town
i dont know what else to say
even if there were no friends i still sort of want to say
but its not my place. dead ends dont make for stories too great.

this is were we go.
all friends go different ways... thank god for internet and cell phones.
the aquaintances you hate to leave, the friends you cant stand to forget
it becomes hard to stay in contact, but with a mission in life it can be possible.

there were times i would look at them, living feet away...
and wish to be like them, wish to be the same
theres something special over there, just a few feet away
but now i feel i have it, without hesitation i will say.

ive seen times alone in homes, comfortable as can be
and i know that for a while... that will be you and me.
here we go out of town, to leave all the demons,
to return again for food, at the celebration of the seasons.

but now we sit so comfy in this room, busy bees workin to get out
only 7 days before time runs out.
pretty soon the light goes out.
these are times i cant live without.
weve worked so hard it seems too long.
now time to relax and listen to the songs...

to you all who will be gone,
friends one and all.... you knwow how to contact me, i will miss you all.
in the end these days make us....us... mistakes and fate, control our lives
everything i treasure, the good, the bad, the love, the lies
it all helps mature someone, if they can even make it.

to the future we will go. ready to leave the prison world
never will we feel the same, we will tell these stories some day.
ive run out of words about the day.
that everyone you know.... will go a seperate way.....

The future killers [may 09]

he sits and waits in the back of the class
so soon they will bust in to take him away
with bloody fingers and a gun in his hands
the blood that is smeared all over, his words
and a gun, with an itchy trigger finger ready to blow
all the blood will stain, cannot be washed
its all ugly and scattered
eveyone around lays on the floor....shattered
its more than just stains, its the blood from his brain, the blood frm his veins/
and now he sits and he waits, for the storm to come
but all of the rain can wash away the blood
all of the pain, liquid, caused by the fun
the blood runs down, and onto the ground
now burned in his eyes, its on the walls and the halls.
these surfaces are his steaks on which he paints
barbeque sauce on walls in waves, just to reduce the pain
as it all drips down forming pictures from his mind
many little expressions strewn out in a line
now the room is filled with pain
the pain of his and the people he has slain
now there he sits, with an empty gun, dripping with blood
then he ditches the weapon, cleans up and runs.
before the authoriies get there to stop his later fun....

So fake so pretty [may 09]

I see you round and about and you seem to be that way
but i find it hard to believe those words you say
i know enough about it to believe it doesnt pay
bug you pretend to act, though you dont in any way
i know you shouldnt do it, and you know so too
but the ones who lie about their beliefs, are just the same as you
you look around and see those eyes, they know you play him for a fool
and if you thought you would know, you know he knows you do
if youre gunna do it, at least do it right
he wouldnt like the tools you use to that fill you with strife?
but we know you do the thinkgs you do, only for them
the things you know he hates, you love them anyway
so why even fake commitment, you are just the same
do you even know the beliefs you claim?
do you believe the words you say?
can you even read the truths you claim?
do you even know his name?
youre a half hearted follower fro that set you claim
i may not believe it, at least i dont lie for the fame
i dont try to fake it life you, i accept my way
and so do they.
but this is me and unlike you i will not fake
evenif i end up with fire and pain]

How to take a life [may09]

oh honey you worry your pretty little head

concerning yourself with the problems youve fed

upset over the lies you continously bled

but we know you lied to us for the best

and we know youre still the victim in life

ive tried to help you but i cant this time

cuz youre the only one thats hurt, thats right

dont worry about everyone around, we're fine

because we siut back and discuss your life

but your the victim, caused by your lies

i know this hurt you and youre so broke up

to think your 99 problems dont add up to one

the worlds out to get you, for your sins youre being tried

but step back and think about it hun...

who just died?

and seconds later tell me now

who just died?

and think long and hard about it

how will you survive?

now everyone knows what youre about

they sit and laugh and write it around town

but they are high in your head and wont come down

but how can you live? god is after you now?

though you let me down i will help you out

because you dig yourself some holes all about

with some hurdles you set p get over them soon

because you waste away killing yourself to those songs

with bullets from your brain, its such bad news

but your the victim still, you took all my wounds

have fun with those, just steer clear of the salt

the wprlds attacking you, and your hurt, youre it all

im sure you got alot of problems

and you hope to be fine

but you worry too much

and look... you just died.

Stop Me if im lyin [may 09]

perception, the lies, seeing the disguise

deception, denies, breaking all the ties

for once in your life, believe the words they save

once in a while, you find the ones who want to stay

its in fate and in karma, that things just get better

and its that time in your life, you stop hating the first letter

take a walk in the night, back in time to the fight

when the drugs and the love of the worst kind ruled your life

when everyone looked past a burnout, downtown, down on his luck

he was looking down on the burnouts scattered all over the town

but he was high up busy with killing himself, too busy to come down

though he could look around he never saw the safety net

then he would be used for free, a fool, a pet

she came down to help him out? or just to get a free ticket around

he never knew better, believed it all along,

at one point thought he was happy, but was dead wrong

she got a new bud, he knew him already

she tried to play it off, claimed it was just a mistake

she didnt know how right she was, dropped out where she couldnt follow

mistakently upset he found comfort in that bottle

still up hihg on his tight rope walking, high above the shattered ground

but he still could not see the safety net all around.

and one day he jumped, fell from that rope

holding onto what he had, holding onto the hope

but puppetmaster says you cannot come down

this life is not only yours, you have more comin around

he knew the bullshit, its not a babies day,

so he lept with the rest, in hopes to be saved

too bad he found a hole in that net, wide open, woven friends had made

but what would you expect when those titles are fake

go save a life he heard, its in you to try

because it was a very sad sight, i could see him die

the pulls put him down and the others force him up

killin himself this way just wasnt enough

he wont last long he is near the end of his fall

now he falls through the clouds, and what he can see is the ground

falling faster than the rain around, but he is calm for now

one hundred more feet, he can smell the trees, soon he can possibly feel the grass on his feet

seconds later, face to the ground, living, breathing, feeling

with a broken neck though he cannot look around

eyes set on a river, to wash away his pain

with the rain rushing down, he crawls down for a life to save

i look down on him to see his ways

and before he knows it he is free of pain

shattered from the fall they will need to save his places

a savior arrives to pick of the peices

a savior that fell with a line cut safety net, to join him for this reason

but he learned to save a life, he wont regret a thing

as he lays there in the rain, he realizes, "it"s big.

Fall Together [aprile 09]

boy oh boy what a life we live
we fight together against the pains of life
and when i think of the troubles of the world at night
i come down to the reality that is alright
reality eats you alive, but mine is just fine.

give me another hit to take me away
im stuck here wondering why they had to die
worrying about troubles i have to face, and i dont want to stay
i just need you to take me higher, my trust is here
dont drop me off halfway, i want to be taken there
its now an addiction because i need it to survive
its an emfatuation because i want it there till i die
and i used to see other versions of me and think they were crazy
but i realize i am there, it happened so fast, and its blasphemy
one taste, i was hooked, but i always have enough money to get my fix,
and everytime i get my hit, im smashed with new trips.

Is it illegal if i need it? more like survival at this point
i would not die without it, but it makes like worth living,
you know the feeling, when it shakes the joint.

the greatest lesson of them all, to carry throughout your life
get hooked on the drug of your choice, it there for you to find
but dont rush these things, cuz you want to be hooked for life
the most important thing you will ever do before you die.
and on your way out, shout loud,
we all have a voice and if we dont let it out, we are just another face in the crowd
and stay true to your voice and your drugs, the only things sure to never let you down.

Lets Talk [April09]

My dearest friend(s)
ive come here in the toughest of times
to tell you you've fucked up again.
the reality show your hosting
is getting old so fast, and its showing
youre no ryan seacrest, youre meant for game shows
except you play along, and win prizes all along
id love to say your my best friend
but i know youve let me down once again.
i asked you for a favor and you could not comply
and in the end, my trust would die.
i caught your hand in the cookie jar
and i knew the whole time you were never far.
but now your dying, and i dont care
and i know you believe in hell, i might see you there.
youre as fake as they come, do you remember the beliefs you claimed?
thrown them out like the drugs you play.
your inscrutable motives have led us astray
so here are the words everyone was afraid to say:
fuck you, you dipshit, please go suffocate.
the problem is i wouldnt help you,
not even to asphyxiate.

Our Lives Like Pokemon Cards (trade mine for yours) APR09

I miss you, and all our games
because i let youm give me a name
because i helped you, though you never gave
I never asked, you never had, what i could give
the impression of what truely is,
importance, in its purest form
and you tell me, you forgot this wasnt the norm
but you were so very colse to me
i was the family, she would never be

from the same place, we both ran here
we thought we'd end it, and we never feared
you had changed me more than anyone before
but nothing is left, you are great Kingsbury lore,

from the streets you came, to the home i gave
to when you finally went off, gone for your own
now the fun was ours, it was always around
we made the funnest times, in the lamest town
we went through the girls,we went through the schools
we went through policemen, we went through it all
your opinions were wise, especially on love and the fall
we were there when you found your one
but id find mine, you'd be gone

[c]

never one to hate, you were always so grateful
and as we all know the parties bring the assholes
i was supposed to be backup, i was supposed to be smart
but it slipped through my fingers, like the water on a knife
the blurriest of visions, almost black and white
but only on ething was clear, and colored so bright
shortly after the shock, i held in my hands
the one thing to most, that is the most important to man
but the most important to this one, was clueless in bed.
not knowing of life taking, not knowing of life giving
many hours later drunken fun was now dead
now hit with a hurricane, i thought i'd never swim again.

[c]

I want you to rest assured, all the money it took, we made
to the place you wanted to go, a wish that we gave
and the question you never asked, got asked along the way
the promises made, i will keep, in any way
i had no idea, the impace on that man
ill be sure to tell you later, every word you said
the next time i see you again, in Jeffery Jordan Ashlan,

Lets go? [march09]

Sound on, higher to drown
because the running and running
can ruin many nights
and make the morning that much tougher
insomnia is my lover, that i will never let go, i said
even my double homicide could not take your life.
drugs leave me on the ground, not even jump height
but the sound on would help me take flight.

an addiction to kill, i will not let go
i need the sound to juice me to fantasy
without it im stuck in the hell-reality
not even metaphors such as these could save my face.
sleep walking above my nightmares
because as long as i got the sound i dont need to come down.

but when the world hits you back
you are forced to get back on track
just what i needed, everything to kick my ass
so now i got a new addiction
gold to my brain, i cant get enough to sufice
with all my might i pull it into my life
and get high every chance i get
turn the sound off and now the running slows to a walk
eveythings so slow, and i havent been back to reality in weeks.
back in the days i would never sleep,
now in a way i will never wake.
or never sleep again, your perspective will tell
and i will never come down so dont even try
i dont care if it kills me , im staying up here now
try to come get me, i will throw you down.
this is my cloud, rain cant bring it down.

The Rapist {march 09}

please come into my office, and sit down
if you would like some candy there is plenty around
right here is the bed, in which you will stay
im here to help, and until im done you wont get away
so lets break the ice, if you want you can have a drink
and as we go along, for what to do next, i may have to think
dont worry this wont take too long
but if it does you will be sure to pay before youre gone
ill take away your problems by just doing my thing
and if it is necessary, you wont remember a thing
i will kill for you, we can be a team
but i have one promise to make, it will be painless,no need to scream.

hey there, im lost, can you help me get out of here?
thank you your so kind, you say there's candy in there?
so that is the bed or a chouch its all the same
you know im really not sure how long i can stay
thank you for the drink, it is very strong
im gettin kinda tipsy so lets go along
im kinda having second thoughts, im not very comfortable
oh i can tell im gunna pay, i can see this is trouble
if it will help this, make it so i dont remember
i will think of it as just another day in november
i dont want to share with you, im afraid i must run
;or i guess i could stay, just dont force me with that gun
but now its all over, and at this point, less pain
and the rapist gets away, because his victims are in my brain.

Tired [march 09]

h the sound
breaking darkness
killing fantasies
attacking with reality

a snooze button does not exist
and i would not hit it if it did
eyes open, get out of bed
the noise resting quitely where i lay my head
did i even sleep? because i saw no nightmares
it has been quite some time since they have been here
and when i start to sink, and fall towards those dreams
the noise sounds agai, to save me from that sea
man down, but not overboard, a life raft already around my neck
i could be asleep in the water and let the fish steal from worms
because nobody will accept the flowers i would make

ive never wanted to wake up so early
till i was hit with such an alarm
to make the day start before the light comes on
but seperate days so clearly so we dont lose our lives
cause yesterday was oh so long
too long to call a year, more like half a life
but a half dead sleep walk just to get by
walking through a nightmare the devil would create
but today is its ying, and i wathc the nightmares die
the first day of spring, and i feel angels cry

the clock that awakens me, controls the time
faster or slower i will not know which it decides
becasuse the puzzle of time seems to go fast when noone wants
;if time could stand still, nobody would cry
we need to turn months into years, just so we can survive]

Missin my rage [march o9]

you are your words
your nothings, their gold
their game, you fold
your wisdom, youre old

your words are the life rafts
to everyone lost at sea
and for those the dehydrated
water is what your pen bleeds
and your scriptures have the tools
to give them what they need
from the highest and the low
you have the medals to show
everything is yours to mold
brains and hearts, yours to hold
[c]

It seems your ideals have been rejected
but to affect is to be affected
and as such your knocked on a course to crash
down into a padded room, with an addiction you never knew you had
now they all call you a psyco
they hand you the lable of a schizo
so that you and your better half
will get credit for the let go
though youre both insane and mad.
maybe you really are insane
or you just learned to play the game.

[c]
but in the days of discontent
your personalities would fight to vent
but now they learn to live as one
because they are not complete alone
but in the days of not love but war
you tried the first, but everyone got bored
and im going to go ahead and guess
that the only words thatt came out of your mouth,
were the only ones that you truely belived in
...but nobody believed them

two are, but one
youre perfect, youre gold
you live, you learned
youre wisdom, is love.

One day [march 09]

One day
we all might live as one
one day
we all might lose the sun
and that day
we might be able to forget
and some way
we can ignore all the things we left
because we are wasting our time
letting our problems control our lives
and we all see they dont matter now
but why cant we seem to put them down
people are wrong, and in reality, the same
but you still seem content when your filled with hate
but those ones dont matter as much
as the ones you love
and the only truth in this world is, nothing really does
if we are here for a reason, we will find there is none at all
and we may just find out we exist to stop the fall
nothing in the world matters as much as the ones you love
our episodes, our differences, should only make us stronger
we exist to live, to love the ones we trust
trust is golden, trust is not lost, but thrown away
and trust between the some of us, was not saved
trust is what you have from me, trust is what you gave
and everything that i have, is nothing to everyone else
because this place turned its back on us
a cold shoulder to freeze a burning passion
its time to get out, lets get out
and when people learn to teach themselves
only then will they be okay
to learn that trust and love
cannot be thrown around like do so much now;
do they really know?
they dont even ask the questions,
because they dont even know;
to learn they are not in complete control
and they just need to let go
the past is now lost
it is not to be lived in, but learned from;
the past is just the future with the lights on
and we all need to be afraid of the dark;
Your world is not a planet
your world is a state of mind
it is built and maintained by the ones you love
your world is your heart and it does not float
there are gentle hands to hold, remember now, the majority
they too hold the hourglass of your life
and they do not waste your time
time is an important thing we have
as important as the hands that hold,
the things they hold,
without them, nothing else is possible
and without love, we are:

Forever war FEB09

a war is set to rage
on earth and inthe sky
the fighters from the ground
will not leave their home
so the warriors from above
will bring the fight to their land
attack from the heavens
thor couldnt be more proud

the righteous men come down
pawns of the gods, they do as they are told
for a battle that must be won
the charlies on the ground,
they own everything around
but the righteoys men will rise
and take back what was theirs
kamakazees from the sky
to kill the oppression,, though they will die
thousands of men who die on the ground
making a wonderful, bonecrushing sound
the tangos armed with hands of depression
dont stand a chance, out numbered a million to one

the battle rages on, and many men do die
but the victors in this war, come from the sky
they wipe away our enemies, which makes them our friends
because they never stop fighting till theyve won
the take what they want, which is why they come

and as they turn towards us, sights set on destruction
one of which only they will know, because we destroy them with our touch
but theyre suicidal cries only ring out in vane
we lock and stand together, we let them try to take,
but in the end we won the war
the sky cried for what it was fighting for
but accomplished what we could not
and vanquished an enemy to which we had lost
and though they died and left,
their bodies lay across the land
these warriors, come from the sky
we will always remember why they died

they leave the smell of a battle won
too many enemies, crushed down to none
and though that enemy will be back around
we can only hope the warriors come save our town
because without them it is lost, and surely doomed
the enemy will destroy us, too
but that is then and this is now
looking out at the bodies strewn around
of the saviors, come from the sky
you and i both know, why they died.

Aye, Dean Cain [feb 09]

Dear Diary
you own all my secrets
to use them as you please
i trust you will keep them safest
because your hard bound cover has no flaws
a beautifuly scripted first page
and an amazing book to follow
full of empty pages because i could not find the words
but i hold the key to write as i please
and you give relief as much as you take from me
pages fill fast, and your there to save me

Dear Diary
with a secret inside
there for me to see, looked past for so long
ive given you all i have
because its still the same beautiful cover i trust
but filled with written pages ive chosen to read
now i am as smart as can be
and for sure you now see the real me,
from an entry titled february seventeenth
and ill say it again, how you saved me
and how i owe you, one galaxy
with eyes wide open ive found heaven
in your pages, now i dont need to sleep again
eyes wude ioen, is where they will stay
because there arent enough words for me to say
to my diary, turned neverending story.

you v me [feb 09]

for the last time
i will watch you fall in line
for the last time
you will hear that wind chime
the brewed storm moved on with the times
its amazing how weve managed to survive
crawling out of the lowest valley, deep
surrounded by nothing but murderuous heat
when death is a pleasure to us all
when the next sound could make us fall
deeper than ever, with your back against the wall

beg for forgiveness, do you have a god to save you?
or have you seen through the lies?
and if heaven isnt a place on earth
why dont you die, if you belong in the sky?
karma is who she is, and sometimes her horses get lost
but when she makes it you will be saved at any cost

for the last time
you will deal with that shit
you wont have to deal with the lies they spit
because unfaithful is not the new way
greatness is all you got today
you: now have gotten paid
reperations for the foundation laid
for your sins; atoned
you, my friend, will never be alone
oh enemy of mine, why dont you go?
everything you could, you gave
and been regifted all the same
when someone up above has let you down
you must look in front of you reyes
your key to happiness, has always been around.

Goodbye high school? [FEB 17!}

[ac]
Darkness welcomes light
a song to sing in the night
two voices mend to one
do we take this time and run?

cuz if i could make time stand still
i will not go, tis my will
and when the youngest eyes are blind
they open up in time to see the sky

and let the memories be nice
and let the lessons learned suffice
enough for dwelling on the past
now the perfect mind will last

ive never seen time go so slow
but it was over before i know
but now it seems we've grown so old
the past; just legends that we told

how do we make the good times last
when they rush by us so damn fast
four years are shorter than one
and dont you know we've had our fun

for sure the best is yet to come
we cut our losses and make our run
how did we miss this is where we'd come?
before our eyes, it was strung

the ends justify the means
cuz in the end happy is all we'll be
un the past we cannot stay
we are living in today

these times will be the best
ive got one greater than the rest
cuz four years blend to one hundred
now we've got what we wanted
[/ac]
<1>
And i, couldnt be happier
<2>
Those werent the best times of my life
too many stories heard were lies
<1>
bring on the best of time, for our lives
<2>
Do you believe where we've come?
<1>
I should have seen it all along.
<2>
Do you believe the rest will be fun?
<1>
I have faith, that this is...fuck.

New writing project to finish

so high above the world and i will never come down
a bounce in my step as i float around town
and a smile in my face cuz im stuck in the clouds
happy as ever, theres a shrowd around.

im astounded at what ive found
whats begining to seem like a gift sent down
hits like a bludgeon to my crown
sending me to the ground
...faster than the speed of sound.

im just a kid that learned of the air...
and how it is always everywhere
but i could not see it there

Flogging Acoustic [feb 09]

When there's problems you can't solve
and you need just to relax
don't let your heart dissolve
let the place just come back
, come back
i was happy the whole damn time
and i believe every fucking lie
and the disease, your a bitch in disguise
and this betrayal only helps my demise

when the problems wont go away
and good times are here to stay
do you need to feel okay?
smoking away,
smoking awaay,

a stick of cancer smelling of sweetness
dont you know that ive already beat this?
dont blame me for your fucking weakness
just run off and spread the shit that you want
but they all know your a lying cunt
you need to learn to prioritze
before you end up alone when you die

you;ve only got one life to live
so why not throw it all away?
no matter what you do, you cant stay
so life just seems like a waaste,
smoking away,
smoking awaay,

just another walk in the park today
i cant believe what you just had to say
so what, i lied just to get away,
away?
from all the shit i dont want to see
theres not an ounce of patience left in me
so just remember what you did, when im gone
and that you did this, feeling miserable
idea to stay here all along
driven away in my mind, takin ex to fall,
and i am,
blowing away
all that you say,
a method to spray
all the memories away,

im too happy to stay here
so set this -place- ablaze
smoking away
smoke it away,

and take all that ive known
the place once called home
a place to never return
throw it away,
before i go insane,

turkey sandwich (feb 09)

used was never how i was meant to be
only here to feel the pain of the world
to care and to help those i believe
to get broken again and again
with a chest made of salt
you know it burns greater than ever
despite the love i feel
giving so much without anything in return,
is not enough to keep me going
blinded by the greatest thing
pouring out, and left here to burn
id do it all again, you deserve the best
im sorry i let you down, it falls on me
if i had my way
the greatest memories of you and me,
would be here to stay
its worth all the struggles
risk and reward is just my way
it seems like your afraid to take a risk
but you too will get a reward
if i am known for one thing,
its my passion to make the ones i love
the happiest ones of all

maybe ill set out to sea
because i cant get away
you are every face on tv
and girl in a song
and they all haunt me
and with more balance today
i would not fall,
a long pondered leap of faith
the toughest decision to be made
without a single ounce of haste
could end up killing my brain
however brings no regrets to name
these smokes no longer help
and my pens are all out of blood
attempting to leave my mark on the world
a waste of time and space,
im meant to be forgotten
"im not screaming these words out for nothing now"
one of many recurring lines
on a scrolling marquee in my mind
whats an addiction but a major infliction
increasing my extinction
giving meaning to my existence?
tell me, just how ludicrous is this?
if there was a god in heaven,
he wouldnt pull so hard on the strings
hope for a good time after,
splattered like brain matter on the inside of my car
the tip of the iceberg,
the story you know,
is melting in the light of the sun
rising for the first time
from the clouds of ruin
my faults and falls
are my pleasure to indulge.

Cult fiction [feb09]

shatter sentimental beings in the street,
with a silence so deafening
and the vision of the thousand memories
strewn around the scene
they glint in the sunlight
dont look back, its a sad sight
whats worse, death or purgatory?
when you life in hell, are both right?


why do you wear that stupid man suit?
would you remove it if you could?

i swore to keep my mouth shut
but its known that i shouldnt
you were wrong, i forsaw it
now take the time you need, admit it
broken and miserable?
jaded and crused?
perfect and stressed
this is where i need to be
it ripped and tore me
now my heart is gone
there's nothing but bloddstains and bitemarks
im not high anymore, limbo as hell, for good reason
but i couldnt be happier
its the perfect season

i gave you the dream i once had
shard a life that was no longer bad
but you used it, and used it hard
but id do it all again, at the next beat of my heart
never to come again, thanks for the art
when my pen bleeds, all can read my brain
head and soul filled with pain
set to the tune of happiness, in a town of the insane

i know you wont miss me when im gone
three thousand miles is not all that far eh?
dont hesitate to write, cuz id love to feel the same
open arms to the night sky
the stars spell out hope in its code

never repair, never return ]JAN 08[

poisoned veins only numbs the pain
the problem persists, and i know what it is
gimme a drink? where does that get me?
this smoke helps neither, this is where i want to be
so this is it, where it hits me
but i know what you don't, i know where it goes
gimme the chill, alright is the future

When you talk, i get my ass kicked
your words are right, comin like a hook out of sight
and i eat 'em, fed like the lies
alright, you can borrow my ride
just get it back in one peice, stitch up the sides
and dont be offended if i find the urge to lie
its just to help me get high
forever, is a place and a time
now and me, at least till i want to die
and dont worry cuz i got what i need
and here, i got you this, but its not from me.

poisoned veins only numbs the pain
the problem persists, and i know what it is
gimme a drink? where does that get me?
this smoke helps neither, this is where i want to be
so this is it, where it hits me
but i know what you don't, i know where it goes
gimme the chill, alright is the future

I dont believe the truth so feed me the lies
crush and destroy is the battle cry
cuz you get out, as fast as you can
i see why, cuz hell is where you live
and the host, knows just what hell is
dark, scary, a little bit ugly
nothing can save it, must, we blow it up
erase the existence, cuz heavens not there
why should hell be? how is that fair?
let the host burn, he is no good for earth
let him rest in hell, he was damned from birth

Seperate reigns, just more pain
the problem persists, the host iswhat it is
now let him sink, thats where he should be
air, the fire feeder, kill him to save me
and thats just is, kill him to kill me
cuz i know what you dont, death is for me
gimme a pill, i have no future.

Religion?? [JAN 09]

Who am i?
just a useless, fuck up kind of guy
night walker, sky watcher
catch me any night
out and about, wandering around
rockin' the orange and brown
loggin' miles on my body
makin' markes on this town
with a black hangin' out my mouth
leavin' a trail of blood,
the bad brain matter, makin' dead meat
honey, im a different breed
a craving for stress
pressure on my brain
something i like to test
and an inclination to give the best
i know it all, and seldom get to rest
[c]
when your mind is hard at work
does your body get to play?
when the pills you take dont work
does it seem worth it to stay?
cause ive been through the miles
seen through disguises
and the city never lies,
so here is where i'll die.
[..c]
you dont know what i know
cause in the night, everything shows
you're see through like these shop windows
and still more miles to go
cant rest till i reach perfection, the goal
a figure in the dark, yeah, thats it
a superhero that cant save shit
thats me, jaded, evaded
by good memories worth savin'
a fuck up, a scum bag
a dash of luck and i end up as a cum rag
i shouldn't be here
hot wheels serve a better purpose
instead go get a happy meal
that's a better service
[c]
a little bitter? yeah, why not?
life is peachy, till your best friend gets caught
rollin' round in /your/ bed
tryin' to lie and claim he's /your/ friend
and a bitch tryin' to fake belief in trust
a victim of lust? fuck, you had a plan
conniving little cunt and i saw it, damn
but could say i'm mad? naw I thank you much
it's the same story for all of you
scars are just a lesson learned
so why waste my time with school?
like it, i learn from your actions, and both are a waste
and it hits quick, high, not confused, not preterbed
i somewhat welcome death, cause hell can't be worse
now your gone, i can't be happier
you've been replaced, couldn't have been any better
and out on the streets, i find my home
and i see memories, in the places i roam
if i dont make it back to that house
it's cause i got priorities,
sleep doesnt make the list
life is peachy, lovely, as long as i got these feet to move me
but i get greedy, my savior is going to kill me
[c]